


reinventing the wheel to run myself over

by vulcanistics



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, Mutual Pining, Panic Attacks, Publicity
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-25
Updated: 2018-05-16
Packaged: 2019-01-23 01:43:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12495668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vulcanistics/pseuds/vulcanistics
Summary: According to sources inside Ferrari, Kimi Räikkönen and Sebastian Vettel have been involved with each other since the 2017 Hungarian Grand Prix. This latest bit of information emerges after Räikkönen told Mark Webber of Channel 4 that he's "together" with Vettel. The declaration of love, though unexpected, may not come as much of a surprise to keen observes who have noted the chemistry between the Ferrari duo.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> \- hi, someone please tell me to go study.  
> \- i'm certain this has grammar errors and lots of long-winded sentences, so apologies for that.  
> \- seriously, i need to study.  
> \- the title is a fall out boy song.  
> \- this is fiction, obviously.

Here's a list of things that Sebastian Vettel currently wants to do:

  1. Break Britta’s phone
  2. Kick everyone out of his hotel room
  3. Lock himself in the bathroom
  4. Punch Kimi Räikkönen in the fucking face
  5. Rewatch the video of Mark interviewing Kimi
  6. Scream or cry, either would work
  7. Do something violent.



Because he knows how to deal with his _own_ mistakes. He has straight-forward approaches towards problems - you either apologise, don’t apologise, laugh it off, or, pretend it was intentional.  Except, Sebastian’s sure none of those are viable solutions now. He has no idea how to fix this. He wants to kill Kimi; because, this mess that they're now stuck in? Completely Kimi’s fault. 

 

 

Sebastian sighs and looks up at the seven people who were cautiously watching him - well, actually six, because Kimi was staring out of the hotel room window. Kimi had not even looked in his direction when he entered Seb’s room, alongside Maurizio, Stefania, Britta, Antti, Mark Arnall and Mark Webber. However, the sharp pang of hurt was secondary to his confusion over the sudden influx of people into his room. But before he could even say anything, Britta had pressed her phone into his hand and told him to watch a YouTube video, and he had. Which is why he is fighting the urge to punch Kimi.

“Why the fuck would you say something like that?” Sebastian’s proud of himself for not shouting, he'd been so sure that he would start yelling the moment he opened his mouth. Kimi still flinches though and - Sebastian's angry and confused, but Kimi clearly looks miserable.

Sebastian tries again, “Kimi, why did you tell Mark that we're together?” There's a badly covered up snort that distinctively sounds like Mark Webber and Sebastian turns to glare at the Australian who only smiles sheepishly.

Sebastian narrows his eyes at him, “Oh and you - why the fuck did you twist his words and question him further?”

“He's the one who said that you guys are together,” says Mark, holding his hands up in defence.

Kimi mumbles, “Meant to say we're good together as teammates.” Sebastian wants to choke someone with his bare hands.

He glares at Mark, “Well there you go, he panicked. You’re the dick who brought up the idea of lovers, and he panicked and rolled with it. You can practically see the panic in his eyes.”

“Mate, I'm pretty sure when I interviewed him, he was wearing the sunglasses he's currently wearing. You know, the black ones?” Mark replies dryly.

Sebastian likes Mark, he genuinely does, but not right now. Sebastian throws a pillow at Mark’s face, who catches it before it even hits him. Mark smirks at him, “And besides, how was I supposed to know he was joking? I was honestly quite happy, I thought you’d finally done something bold for once in your life.”

Sebastian reaches for the other pillow, but before he can do anything more drastic, Maurizio coughs twice. Shit, thinks Sebastian and freezes.

 

“Now that Sebastian has been brought up to speed about the latest developments in his romantic life, how are we fixing it?” Maurizio addresses Stefania and Britta, arms folded across his chest. Maurizio looks like an unimpressed boss, and Sebastian thinks that this is probably the last thing Ferrari wanted, especially given the circumstances of the last few races.

The last few races had been awful, but today - today had been good, it could have been better, but he’s not complaining. Both, Kimi and he had made the podium at the US Grand Prix, and Lewis had won, again. Realistically, Seb knows he’s fighting a losing battle but he can’t afford to stop believing not, not now, not ever. Ferrari’s already under so much pressure, and now, there’s _this_  bull-shit.

“Well, this is the last thing Ferrari wanted but, uhm,” Stefania exchanges a glance with Britta, who continues, “There are two ways of going about it. Kimi could say that he misunderstood the conversation, and he's not actually in a relationship with Sebastian. While this will solve problems, it will also bring up problems like why did he even have to say it like that. It will probably hurt and upset fans, especially those that belong to the LGBTQ community. And Kimi will look stupid. Or, we could roll with it and pretend that they're actually in a relationship and the coming out was just a spontaneous decision. And that they're in love. This will probably result in a lot of anger from homophobic people, and companies. I don't know how sponsors will respond to it or how Ferrari will respond to it. But in all likelihood, it won't be pretty -”

“And the wrath of the Vatican will rain down upon us,” Stefania concludes.

The hotel room is quiet, too quiet, Sebastian feels like tectonic plates are shifting inside him. Britta’s words are playing on repeat in his head, progressively getting louder and louder and louder, till it is just jarring incoherent sounds. He thinks of high school in Heppenheim and the headlines tomorrow. He can't breathe because his lungs are collapsing on themselves, he needs to breathe, he needs to breathe, he needs to get out of here. He cannot do this now. His bones are hollow. The room is too small. He can't hear anything at all. And then, he hears Antti's voice, asking him to breathe and count to five with him. Sebastian can do that, he's done it before. He breathes in and counts.

When he opens his eyes, Antti is squatting before him, holding out a bottle of water for him. His bones still feel hollow. He stares down at his shoes because there are still people here, and even though, every single person in the room has seen him in this state before — it doesn’t make anything better.

 

 

“So the second one is a bad idea, and the first one, is a slightly better idea then,” Maurizio asks, stroking his beard thoughtfully, and Sebastian's grateful that he's being given time to pull himself together.

Stefania presses her fingers to the bridge of her nose, “Look, we can't really make it go away. It's always going to be there. Kimi literally said that he's in love with Sebastian on live television. I don't know how well we can spin that as a miscommunication,” Stefania looks at Kimi with fond exasperation, “Help us here?”

Kimi nods and sinks to the floor, crossing his legs under him. “Webber asked me about Seb. I said that we're together. I meant that we're good together as teammates. To be funny, he asks me as lovers and I said, yes, I'm in love with Seb. It was a joke.”

Sebastian sits silently staring at the water bottle in his hand. It was a joke. He feels a bit nauseous at this point. There's a rope that's twisting in his stomach and he feels vindictive and tired, “Great joke, dude. We're all laughing.”

Kimi’s entire body freezes, and that's all the acknowledgement Sebastian needs to know that Kimi's heard him.

“I'm sorry, Vettel.”

And that's just –   _fucking fantastic_ . Sebastian’s hands tug at the material of his jeans because that response is enough for him to know that he's hurt Kimi. He looks up and sure enough, everyone is wearing identical expressions of disappointment, including Britta and Antti. Mark Arnall looks pained.

Sebastian sighs and runs his hands through, “I'm sorry okay, I'm not sure how we're supposed to deal with this. Both those options sound terrible.”

Maurizio nods his head in agreement, and then, narrows his eyes at his two drivers, “Can we go with the second option?”

Sebastian’s certain he's not going to survive this day.

Kimi blinks at Maurizio slowly, “You want us to fake a relationship?”

“Yes and then break up after the last race of the season. End it. We can make statements about how you didn't want to risk your friendship any further and ended it before it got too romantically involved. There, problem solved. Ta-da.”

At this point, Sebastian’s pretty sure that Maurizio has lost it; as has Kimi apparently, because his teammate is nodding in agreement with Maurizio.

Mark Webber, however, is staring at Maurizio, “That's the stupidest idea in the world, what the fuck?”

Maurizio only laughs, “Ah yeah Webber, it is all part of a grander plan, you'll see.”

Stefania hides her smile behind her palm as she thumbs through the pages on her lap, “It’s going to be lots of publicity for us,=. Good publicity, bad publicity, same difference"  before pulling out a single sheet of paper, “And here we go. So we've established a starting point for this romance – the Hungarian GP, this year, when Seb was holding Kimi’s hand on the podium.”

Sebastian blushes bright red and fiddles with the hem of his t-shirt. Stefania still talking but Sebastian's no longer listening. They were doing this. They were going to pretend like they were dating. They were actually going to announce an in-team romance between the drivers for Ferrari. Sebastian thinks about how he felt as a teenager growing up. He catches the last part of Stefania’s instructions, “Webber will interview you two tomorrow morning, so I'd suggest you tighten your story tonight. And yeah, that's about it. We'll see you boys tomorrow morning. We’re going to relay the information to the Press team back home and Maurizio, start dealing with the bosses and the sponsors now.”

 

  
When everyone else is gone, Britta flops on the bed and wraps her arms around Sebastian. Sebastian sinks into her hug. Kissing him lightly on the forehead, Britta says, “It’s going to be alright.”

There’s no way of telling if it’s going to be alright, if this isn’t going to burn them and the team up. But Sebastian knows that he can’t let that happen. If anyone’s going to take the fall for this, it's Kimi and him – not Ferrari, never Ferrari – over his fucking dead body.

“I don’t know if pretending to date and be in love with Kimi is going to work. I’m not –”

Britta smirks and hits the back of his head, “Gay? Yeah, I know that Sebastian Vettel. I was there for your ‘Big Bisexual Breakdown ’ last year, remember? And it’s not like you’re not already in love with him.”

Sebastian makes a pitiful sound. It’s weird hearing the words out in the open, because once spoken, everything becomes more concrete, more real, and scarier. “And he’s not in love with me. Britta, this is everything I want but can’t have. It’s an act. I’m going to have to remember that I’ll have to stop being in love with him. Also, my ‘Big Bisexual Breakdown’ was fifteen years in the making, you know the things I was called in high school. I didn’t want to come out publicly, ever. But guess what I’m going to have to do? And I’m going to have to be okay with that by tomorrow. Kimi doesn’t even know I’m bi.”

“Kimi is also your best friend. And he’s not going to be an ass about it,” says Antti as he shuts the door behind him, “He’ll be coming back here in another hour or so, to finalise the details of your relationship, so that you’re prepared for tomorrow’s interview. You might want to take a shower till then, and work on an apology for him, and think of how you want to address your sexuality.”

Sebastian falls back on the bed. The ceiling above him is painted white and there’s a chandelier right above the bed. Seb ideally wonders what would happen if it were to fall on him. He’s distracted from his thoughts by Britta patting him on the knee.

“Antti and I are heading out, okay? We’ll see you tomorrow. Love you, Seb.”

Sebastian props himself up on his elbows so that he can watch them leave. Just as Antti’s about to shut the door behind him, Sebastian calls out, “Hey, Antti, Britta! Thank you. I love you.” Britta laughs and Antti blows him a flying kiss in response.

 

 

Kimi knocks on his hotel room door at precisely 11:27 p.m. Sebastian knows this because he’s been checking the time on his phone constantly. When he opens the door, Kimi’s standing there with a bouquet of red roses, and they're not even Ferrari red. 

“Are those for me?” Sebastian asks, because he has to make sure.

Kimi blinks at him and shrugs, “Yeah. Stefania said it would be a nice gesture.”

Oh. Stefania. Sebastian reaches out to take the flowers from him, “I’m sorry I snapped at you.”

“I already said my 'sorry'," says Kimi, jabbing his finger at the roses, "Now, are you going to let me come in or make me stand outside in the hallway for the whole night?” Kimi asks gruffly.

Sebastian nods but still doesn’t step aside to give Kimi room to enter. He looks over Kimi’s shoulder at the door of Room 254, he’s pretty sure Massa’s in that room. Sebastian glances back at Kimi and takes a deep breath, “Can we not discuss the relationship thing now?” Kimi raises an eyebrow but Sebastian continues, “Can we just hang out and watch Netflix or something?”

“Okay. What are we watching?”

“I was thinking … Monty Python.”

“Again? Okay.”

 

 

They’re barely twenty minutes into “Monty Python’s Life of Brian”, and Sebastian can feel himself getting restless. Kimi must sense it too because he frowns at Sebastian a total of five times before pausing the movie. Kimi turns to look at him and raises an eyebrow, “Sebi? You're making it difficult to watch a movie we have seen ten times already.” 

Sebastian feels the familiar surge of panic building up in his chest, _fuck fuck fuck_ \- he blurts out, “I’m bisexual.” Sebastian had certainly not planned on telling Kimi like that. He’d prepared a speech. He knew how he was going to go about it, how he was going to explain it. He hadn’t meant to just _say_ it, but unfortunately, you can’t really backspace a conversation. 

“Oh, okay. That’s it?”

Sebastian also really wants to kiss Kimi, but he refrains from saying that, “Yeah. Since we’re doing the whole fake relationship thing, you know?”

Kimi hums noncommittally as he adjusts the laptop screen. He’s fiddling with the arrow keys when he says, “Thank you for telling me.”

Sebastian beams.

 

After the movie, Kimi doesn’t leave and falls asleep in Sebastian’s bed. It’s not a new development. Sebastian’s heart hurts at the aching familiarity of it. He turns away from Kimi and scrolls through his phone. He has two new messages, one is from Lewis, the other is from his mother.

> **_Lewis:_ **
> 
> _Dude, Kimi and you have overtaken me in terms of coverage. Everybody seems to have forgotten I won the race today?_
> 
> _  
> **Mama:**_
> 
> _Why didn’t you tell us about Kimi? I’m so happy for you. You deserve the best and the nicest things in life._

Sebastian doesn’t reply to either of the messages. He closes his eyes and sleeps.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plan Fake Boyfriends is up and running.

Sebastian wakes up to the sound of someone knocking on the door of his hotel room. He blinks sleepily as the world shifts in and out of focus around him. Where is he again? Oh right, Austin. The United States Grand Prix was yesterday. 

He closes his eyes and wonders if he can get away with ignoring the person at the door. He could go back to the sleep because it's cosy and warm under the covers. Kimi’s face is pressed against his neck and his arms are wrapped around Sebastian's – Sebastian sits up with a start, and definitely doesn't whimper. Kimi frowns in his sleep and makes a disgruntled sound, but doesn't show any other signs of stirring. Sebastian resists the urge to gently touch Kimi’s face. With a sigh, he quietly slips out of the bed. Daylight is creeping through the window, and he's sure he knows who is incessantly knocking on the door.

 

Britta glares at him when he opens the door, “How many times do I have to remind you to charge your phone? What’s the point of having a phone if you let it die in the night? I’ve been trying to call you for the past fifteen minutes - Oh!” Britta’s eyes widen and Sebastian knows that she's noticed Kimi, “Did you two… ?”

Sebastian laughs, and it sounds bitter to his own ears. He glances at Kimi's sleeping figure before turning to Britta, “You should know better than to ask me that. How many times have Stefania and you found us asleep in the same bed?”

Britta’s eyes soften with understanding, “I thought that while discussing the relationship, you'd have the balls to make a move.”

“I am ballsy, just not about this, not about him. We didn't even discuss the relationship.” Sebastian pointedly avoids looking at her face, because he knows she's going to look at him with something akin to frustration and disappointment. 

“Seb, the interview…”

He shrugs, “We’ll wing it, don't worry.”

“Good, because Webber's going to be here in an hour.” 

Seb scowls, “Why did you wake me up so early then?”

“It’s 7 a.m. Sebastian, you’re usually up a lot earlier. And Antti wants to get somethings done first. Now go, shower! Oh, but first, send your boyfriend back to his own room to get dressed” Britta cheekily smiles at him before striding down the corridor. 

Sebastian gently shakes Kimi awake and isn’t surprised when he just groans and covers his eyes with one of his arms. Sebastian nudges Kimi’s shoulders, giggling quietly as Kimi mutters Finnish curses sleepily.

“Seriously, get up, old man. Stop pretending to be asleep.”

“Sebi…” whines Kimi, squinting up at Sebastian’s smiling face, “Too early.” 

There are so many ways he could wake up Kimi, there's a list quickly forming in his head, but none of them is appropriate. In all likelihood, the fake boyfriends thing would be called off in an instance and Kimi would never speak to him again. Sebastian really can't imagine himself never speaking to Kimi, He frowns as he pulls the bedsheet off Kimi. Kimi grumbles and flails his arms out, trying to hit Sebastian. 

Seb rolls his eyes and neatly side-steps Kimi's half-hearted attempts. His chest feels tight from the emotions he currently feels, “Out of my bed you go.”

 

Sebastian knows something’s up with Mark the moment he walks through the door. He keeps frowning down at his phone. Seb’s not sure if small talk is the wisest choice but it might get the Aussie to relax.

“You’re early.”

Mark’s sitting on the small couch in the room and he looks up from his phone to glare at Seb Seb, “Helmut Marko sucks.”

Sebastian immediately freezes, his hands curling up into fists, he smiles at Mark but he knows that it looks too wrong, too fake, too  _ sharp _ , “Tell me something I don't know.”

“Kvyat was kicked out of the programme last night. He's gone. Hartley’s in.”

Sebastian’s nails press into the palms of his hands and it hurts in his forearms. He exhales and sighs, “Oh alright. Good for Hartley.”

“That's all you have to say?” Asks Mark, incredulously. 

Sebastian shakes his head and smirks. He thinks that there must be glass shards embedded in his heart, or maybe, he's always been walking on glass. “What do you want me to say? Congratulations Hartley, welcome to hell. Oh Dany, I'm sorry you're leaving, but good for you regardless. I’m sorry you didn’t get to work your way up the ladder. For fuck's sake, Mark, I’m here because of Red Bull, because of Toro Rosso, but do I actively want to talk about them and fucking Helmut Marko?  _ No. _ And I had it easy.”

Mark shakes his head, “Sometimes I think you had it the worst out of everyone.” 

“Don’t, Mark, don’t say that,” Sebastian knows his shoulders are trembling, but he doesn’t look away from Mark’s face. He’s still smiling - too sharp, too brittle. Mark watches him with for a few seconds, before smiling gently. He slips his phone into his pocket and stretches his back as he stands up. Sebastian finds himself relaxing. He exhales as Mark pulls in for a hug. 

“Ann said to congratulate you, by the way. She also said that you two didn’t do a very good job of being covert and subtle about it. But she’s very happy overall. I couldn’t bring myself to tell her it’s not real.” 

Sebastian groans and pushes Mark away, “Can we not talk about that?”

Mark looks at his watch, “We’re literally going to have to talk about this in another five minutes, if your boyfriend gets here in time, that is?”

“Why do you have to be such a dick?” 

“I told you it was a bad idea. And I still think it’s a bad idea.”

“Fine fuck off then, don’t interview us.”

“It’s not like I am tripping over myself to interview you. Stefania asked me to, so I said yes. ”

“Go say no then.”

“Yeah, no thanks, mate. I’m hundred percent sure half your team has links to the underworld.”

Sebastian gapes at Mark who’s just grinning at him.  _ How dare he?  _

 

Britta directs them to sit cross-legged on the bed, while she and Mark set up the camera. Sebastian nudges his knee against Kimi’s, he has a very important question to ask. He’s pretty sure Kimi will say no, “Have you told your parents?” 

Kimi shyly ducks his head and nods, Sebastian feels the colour rising in his cheeks. His next question is almost whispered, because he’s terrified of the answer,“What did they say?”

His brain helpfully provides him with a list of potential possible reactions:

  1. They could be angry that Kimi was dating a man, except, this wasn't even a real relationship.
  2. They could be upset that Kimi hadn't informed them earlier and they had to find out from the news.
  3. They might be happy about it and give their approval.
  4. They should be angry and disappointed because they're not actually together and it's all a fucking lie.
  5. Fuck. What if they told Kimi that they didn't–



“Why are you thinking so much? They were happy. Think you're good for me.” Sebastian smiles broadly and bumps his shoulder against Kimi, “I haven't told mine as yet.”

“Why?”

“I don't like lying to them.”

“Ah, tell them the truth.”

Sebastian shakes his head, thinking about his family back home. Fabian was always teasing him about Kimi, and even though Sebastian never came out to his family, he knows that they're aware. He knows what his parents will say if he tells them that he's not actually dating Kimi and that it's all publicity – his mother won't speak to him for two weeks, his dad will cry, Fabian will tell him he's stupid, and both his sisters will demand that he go and tell Kimi the truth. 

“The truth's worse,” is all he gets to say before Britta’s waving at them to shut up and get ready for filming. “Oh fuck, we're not prepared with our story.”

Kimi smirks and stretches his arms out, “Roll with it.”

 

The moment Mark nods at him, Sebastian gives the camera a bright smile. Years of media training have prepared him for this, and he's good at it, he knows how to play the camera, how to smile charmingly, how to divert questions. 

“Hello, I'm Sebastian Vettel and this is Kimi Räikkönen. Ah so yesterday Kimi gave an interview with Mark Webber and he spoke about our relationship. It was something we’d been thinking about, and I know there will be questions and critical comments regarding this. But I request your love and support. We’ve been together since Hungary this year. And yes, it is strange opening up about our personal lives because both of us thought that this was important. And we decided we can address this? Our working relationship still hasn’t changed, we do what's best for Ferrari, because that's a common goal we both share. We push each other to be better and learn from each other. We're teammates, we're best friends, we're competitors, we're – we're boyfriends, also. And we're trying to make this work.”

Mark smiles encouragingly at him, from behind the camera and then looks down at his cue cards, “I just have a few questions for both of you, if that's okay?” 

Sebastian glances over at Kimi who shrugs nonchalantly, but Sebastian can see the ghost of a smile toying at his lips. 

Mark nods, “So, how did you know you were in love with each other?”

“I had a crush on him when I was thirteen,” Sebastian says with a smile. He can feel his stomach twist and turn uncomfortably. He sees Kimi watching him from the corner of his eyes. It's strange telling the truth, “Obviously I outgrew the crush and back then, I thought it was just a fanboy thing, you know? I didn't know I’d feel the same things years later. So, he came back in 2012, right? Yeah, that was the year I realised I might more than like him, but you know this sport – I said nothing and buried it.”

Sebastian turns to look at Kimi and grins cheekily, “What about you? When did you realise you had a thing for me?”

“2009, before I left,” Kimi answers solemnly, without breaking eye-contact with him, and Sebastian feels like the air has been punched out of him. 

Mark whistles, “That's a long time to be in love with someone.”

Sebastian laughs, “We dated other people as well. And honestly, neither of us wanted to risk our friendship, so we didn't say anything.”

“Till Hungary 2017? What changed?”

“Sebastian flirted on the podium.” 

“Don't I always do that?”

“Yeah, but you held my hand also.” Sebastian rolls his eyes and slips his hand into Kimi’s, and interlocks their fingers.

Mark rolls his eyes behind the camera, while Britta and Stefania grin at each other. Sebastian catches all these details, but above everything else, he's hyper-aware of the clamminess of Kimi’s hand and the absent-minded manner in which Kimi’s thumb is stroking the back of his thumb. It hits him then, that this was the worst idea Ferrari could have ever come up with. He wants to kill Maurizio for saying that they should pretend to be in a relationship, because it's a painful reminder that they're really  _ not _ in a relationship. Everything is for the camera, everything is for this public lie. 

Clearing his throat, Mark continues, “So did Seb ask you out then?”

“No, he's too chicken. I asked.”

“And I said yes, obviously.”

“Cut!” Mark calls out, grinning mischievously at the two of them, “Good job guys, that was some brilliant acting. I think that should be enough - short and so disgustingly sweet, I want to throw up.” 

Kimi turns to Seb with a smirk, “Let’s become actors.”

Actors, acting, an act, pretending - Sebastian schools his face into his trade-mark grin, it’s not as though anything Kimi said was true. They’re both playing their parts, caught on the global stage, all the lights are on them. They’re not really in love.  

“Wait, we’re not done yet,” says Britta as she fishes her phone from out of her back pocket, “Can both of you come a little bit closer, and just laugh and talk to each other?”

“We need some candid photos - want to capture intimate happiness. Basically, be yourselves,” adds Stefania. 

Sebastian tugs at Kimi’s hand to pull him closer, “Want to hear bad Finnish puns?”

 

Sebastian pulls the hoodie of his jacket over his head and waits for his baggage. The decision to fly home had been made at the last minute, but Britta had somehow managed to get him onto a flight to Frankfurt. He’d be home soon. 

He’s playing a quick game of Sudoku when his phone buzzes. Britta’s texting him.  _ Oh _ . 

Sebastian clenches his jaw as he looks at the photo of him and Kimi. It’s just a photo of the two of them laughing and leaning into each others’ personal space. Sebastian turns off his phone and continues waiting for his suitcase to arrive. 

He really wants a hug from his mother. 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kimi turns to look at him and smirks, “We lost the championship but at least we’re winning in the relationship department.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- I have a very very hard exam in less than 11 hours and I'm not prepared and I'm scared and I'd really like nice things. This isn't the most well-thought-out piece but it's pretty fluffy and angsty. I hope you guys like it.

Sebastian frowns as his phone buzzes to inform him that he's received another message. It's been two hours and his phone is still flooding with text messages and phone calls. He doesn't reply to any of the texts because he can't bring himself to type out something that's not bitter, dejected or tired.

He wishes people would stop bringing up the earlier races. He wishes people would stop telling him that they're proud of him. He wishes people would stop bringing up Kimi. He wishes people would stop saying that next year will be better. 

He wishes – he wishes – he wishes he could just disappear for a couple of hours. That’s all he needs.

He doesn't answer any of the incoming phone calls and watches the screen as his phone rings and rings and rings. He can't even bring himself to cry.

His father is the only person who he has called and spoken to. Norbert Vettel had answered immediately and Sebastian had felt the hurt ease out a little as his father had proceeded to tell him about what his mum had made for dinner. 

His father eventually broached the topic of the Mexican GP and lovingly told him that he was incredible to watch, and that there will be more championships for him to win. His mum had then stolen the phone from his dad and Seb could hear the smile in her voice when she told him that they love him – and that they would love to eat dinner with him and his new boyfriend one day. Seb had groaned and told them that he’d bring Kimi home soon.

He drums his fingers against the red table in the empty Ferrari Briefing room as he thinks about the conversation. The promise had slipped from his mouth so easily. He glances back at his phone and sighs, he's going to have to reply to all these messages. It isn't the first time he's toyed with the idea of flinging his phone out of the window. 

He hears the sound of the door being swung open but doesn't bother looking up. Team personnel have been walking in and out of the room, casting surprised and then, cautious looks at him. Nobody says anything and he's glad for the quiet. Someone coughs and Sebastian startles.

“Britta,” Sebastian smiles as Britta leans and hoists herself up on the table. Britta's twirling a pen in between her fingers and Sebastian narrows his eyes at her. He's known her long enough to know when she's feeling vaguely amused. The cheeriness emitting from her is truly baffling but he would be lying if he said that he wasn't grateful for her presence.

“What is it?”

Britta grins at him cheekily, “Hi boss, have you heard what Kimi did at the press conference?”

Sebastian resists the urge to sigh dramatically, “What did he do now?”

“They asked him how he feels about his boyfriend losing the championship and he said that he was disappointed and that it would make more sense to be with you than at the press conference. Then, he got up and walked out.”

And _that_ was not what he was expecting at all.

“What?!” Sebastian shrieks and his phone slips from his fingers, clattering against the tabletop.

Britta raises an eyebrow, “Don’t tell me you’re actually surprised?”

“I’m not, it’s just that…” Kimi walked out of a freaking press conference for him. Sebastian feels his cheek heat up, he’s not surprised but he can’t quite believe it either.

He clenches his jaw as he remembers the irony of the very question Kimi was asked, “Well, this lie is a much better alternative than pretending that he actually cares about Lewis winning the Championship. And besides that was only an excuse, he didn't come find me either.”

Britta sighs and gently reaches out to ruffle his hair up, “He’s smart and he also knows you.Probably knew you needed some alone time.”

 

He's talking to Max when he sees Kimi entering the Drivers’ Briefing room from the corner of his eye. Kimi scans the room before his eyes settle on Sebastian, Seb smiles brightly and gestures to the empty seat next to him. Kimi nods in acknowledgment, and makes his way to Seb. When Sebastian looks back at Max, he's watching him with a long-suffering look on his face.

“What is it?”

“The two of you are Formula 1’s worst kept secret.”

Sebastian frowns and casts a quick glance at Kimi who looks like he hasn’t sat, but sprawled on the chair. Seb tugs at the hem of his t-shirt, “We’re not exactly a secret anymore, you know that, right?”

“Yeah but everyone already knew,” Max pauses before casting a sheepish glance over Seb, “Look, what I’m trying to say is, congratulations and you guys are brave, okay? That’s it,” Max shrugs and turns around with a huff. Sebastian laughs quietly and gently pats Max on the back before settling back into his chair. 

Kimi raises an eyebrow and nods in Max’s direction. Sebastian recognises the movement for the unasked question.

“He want to congratulate the two of us.”

“Oh.”

“By the way,” Seb nudges Kimi with his elbow, “That was sweet of you – what you did in the press conference.”

“Saw an opportunity to leave, so I took it,” shrugs Kimi.

Sebastian laughs and playfully flicks Kimi’s ear, “Such a dick. They won't stop talking about us now.”

Kimi turns to look at him and smirks, “We lost the championship but at least we’re winning in the relationship department.”

Seb opens his mouth to say something, to say that they're not the same things – one is a championship that slipped out of his fingers, and the other is a relationship that's built on a friendship, but isn't a real romantic relationship. Seb opens his mouth to counter Kimi but he sees the fondness in Kimi’s eyes and he knows what this is. This is Kimi telling him that he'll be alright. Sebastian squeezes Kimi’s shoulder with his hand.

He can feel the gaze of some of the drivers on him and Kimi, and he smiles as he whispers, “Best fake relationship ever.”

Kimi doesn’t say anything, instead he lightly blows on Seb’s hand. Sebastian immediately pulls his hand away from Kimi. Kimi’s expression doesn’t change but he looks away from Seb. The flurry of noises that rise and fall are the only indications of Charlie Whiting’s presence in the room. Sebastian swallows the lump in his throat and looks down at his fingers.

 

Sebastian wakes up with his head resting on Kimi’s shoulder. He closes his eyes and listens to the sound of the jet, the familiar thin buzz of air inside an airplane, he imagines the sea, stretching below them into the darkness. He straightens himself up and flexes the muscles in his shoulders and yawns. Kimi shifts in the seat next to his, effectively announcing his presence of the land of the living. Sebastian turns to Kimi but the wise-crack dies on his lips, because Kimi looks exactly like he did when they boarded the aircraft nine hours ago — he doesn't even have a bedsheet or a pillow.

“Did you sleep?”

Kimi shrugs. Seb frowns and presses the back of his palm against Kimi’s forehead, “Are you ill or something? Should I get Mark?”

“No. Just wasn't tired.”

Sebastian frowns but let's the matter slide. Four more hours till they're home. Home reminds Seb of the invitation his parents have extended towards Kimi, they'd be very upset with him if he didn't even tell Kimi. The traitorous part of his brain doesn't miss a beat – what's going to happen when they find out he doesn't actually love you?

“My parents want to meet you.”

Kimi tilts his head to the right, “I have met your parents.”

“Not as my boyfriend, you haven't. They wanted to know if you'd be able to come to Heppenheim, for like a day or something with me. I have never brought a boyfriend home.”

“But I'm not actually your boyfriend. I thought you told them that,” Sebastian winces at the bluntness in Kimi’s tone, he hates how matter-of-fact this whole mess is.

“I didn't tell them that, just told them that we're dating. They would have asked too many questions.”

Kimi shrugs, “Next Sunday then.”

Kimi turns his face away from him, probably in an attempt to sleep. Sebastian spends the rest of the airplane journey staring out the window. He watches the sky drifting past him through teary eyes, but he can't cry here – not in an aeroplane, not so soon after the Mexican GP, not next to Kimi.

 

“You're sure you want to do this?” Asks Sebastian, looking cautiously at Kimi who is cradling a bouquet of roses against his chest.

Kimi rolls his eyes in response, “Seb, we're standing outside your house. If you're suggesting we turn around and go back to Zurich, you're being stupid.”

Seb runs his fingers through his hair, “No I just, they need to believe us. The world is easier to fool than my parents.”

“I brought flowers, Seb. Yes, they'll believe us,” says Kimi, “Now can we please go inside?”

Seb nods and rings the doorbell. He cranes his neck to listen and he can hear the sound of frantic voices and flurried footsteps.

“Hey Seb. Hi Kimi. Dude, Seb, what have you done?

Seb frowns in confusion and looks at Kimi. As far as he can recall, he's only announced his relationship with Kimi and he lost the title.

“Hello Fabian, it's good to see you too. And you'll have to be more specific. What did I do?”

Fabian grimaces and casts a quick look over his shoulder into the house, “The whole family is here.”

Sebastian pales instantly. Maybe turning around and going back to Zurich wasn't such a bad idea after all. Fucking hell. “Mama never mentioned anything to me.”

“Yeah well, Stefanie and Tobias came yesterday with their baby and Melanie and Julia are here as well. Everyone wants to see you and Kimi. Ten people in this house, Seb, ten people. Ten people can't even sit at the dining table together. That small table is meant for six people.”

Sebastian bursts out laughing, because he honestly has no other option. He looks back at Kimi who is watching him with a perplexed expression.  

Seb wraps his fingers around Kimi’s arm and bites his lip nervously, Kimi's gaze flicks down to his lips.

“I'm so sorry, I had no idea everyone was planning on coming today.”

Kimi shrugs and thrusts the bouquet of flowers into Fabian’s hands, “It’s alright. I thought we were meeting your parents but since it’s now your whole family, might as well go with it.”

Fabian gapes as he looks between the two of them and the flowers, “Oh my god! Mama’s going to love him,” Fabian steps aside so that they can enter and hollers for their parents, “Mama! Papa! Seb and Kimi are here!”

Kimi’s hands brush against his, Seb shoots him a grateful look, “Let’s go meet the rest of your family.”

Seb glances at Fabian as he shuts the door behind them, “Where is everyone? I could hear lots of sounds when I was standing outside.”

Fabian snorts, “They’re so excited about Kimi that they went to freshen up and look all presentable.”

“Nobody did this shit when Tobias and Julia came home for the first time.”

Fabian is about to say something but Heike Vettel beats him to it, “We always do this, why must you pretend for Kimi. And besides, maybe we're excited to meet the man who has won my baby's heart.”

Heike’s holding Stefanie’s two-year-old baby in her arms as she comes to stand next to Fabian. Seb makes a delighted sound as Heike hands Anja Müller to him. His niece blinks in surprise at the sudden movement, and stares up at Seb through wide blue eyes. Seb gently rocks her in his arms before leaning towards his mother to press quick kisses on her cheeks.

“Hi Mama.”

Heike pats him on his head before shifting her gaze to Kimi. Seb watches as her smile widens. His mother has always adored Kimi anyway.

“Kimi! I'm glad you could make it. We're very excited to have you over. Come, I'm assuming you'll stay in Seb's room, yes?” Heike pauses to glance slyly at Seb who is well aware of the fact that he's blushing. He can hear the insinuation in his mother's words and he can't even protest because _of course_ he's in a relationship with Kimi, obviously everyone's going to assume that they're having sex. Heike laughs before reaching out to take Kimi’s backpack, “Maybe we can go upstairs later? Come, everyone’s waiting for the two of you in the kitchen.”

 

Seb walks into the kitchen and is immediately met with shrieks, Anja startles in his arms and Kimi suddenly looks terrified. Stefanie is the first to get to him, throwing her arm around his shoulder as she deftly steals her baby back from him. There's a flash of blonde hair and suddenly, Melanie is there as well, launching herself into his arms. Sebastian laughs as he cranes his head to see his father, Tobias and Julia watching the scene fondly.

Stefanie lightly hits him at the back of his head, “Dick. Do you know when's the last time I saw you? Last week – on a TV screen. What sort of brother doesn't visit his sister?”

“Sisters,” Melanie glares as she links her hand with her brother’s and leads him to the table.

Seb rolls his eyes, “The busy kind.”

Julia snickers as she stands up to hug him and Sebastian smiles triumphantly. At least he made Melanie's girlfriend laugh. He's shaking Tobias' hand when he remembers that he's nearly forgotten about Kimi's presence. Fuck. 

Seb spins around to see Kimi still standing at the kitchen doorway, eyes surveying the room, calculating and absorbing everything he sees. Seb clears his throat, there's a lump in his throat as Kimi's eyes gaze into his. Kimi’s hands are shoved into the pockets of his black hoodie – it's Sebastian’s favourite hoodie because it's soft and comfy and he's occasionally worn it when hanging out with Kimi, he knows that it smells distinctly of Kimi’s cologne. 

Sebastian wishes with all his heart, that he wasn't lying to his parents, to his family, to the world, “Guys, I’d like you to meet my boyfriend, Kimi Räikkönen.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Visiting the Vettels - Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is really short compared to the previous chapters and not that great, but I'm just hoping it motivates me to write.

Sebastian drops Kimi’s and his bags at the foot of the bed and closes his eyes. He needs a minute to himself. He can hear laughter from downstairs and if he strains his ears, he can hear Kimi. It’s only been two hours, and somehow, Kimi had eased himself into the very fabric of Seb’s family. He’s only been home for a little less than two hours and Kimi seems to have settled himself into the very fabric of his family. He imagines himself pulling Kimi away from the conversation, intervening before everyone decides that he’s the perfect man for Seb. He imagines the fallout of his family finding out that Kimi and him aren’t really dating. He can picture his parents’ heartbroken expression and it makes something twist inside his chest. His family is going to be devastated when they find out about a break up via a press release. There’s a sharp curt knock on the door and Seb turns around to see Kimi push open the door. 

“They told me how to find your room,” says Kimi as he pushes past Sebastian and lies down on the bed. He raises a hand and points to the ceiling, “You have glow-in-the-dark stars.” 

Sebastian huffs in laughter and glances at the familiar patterns on his ceiling, “Yeah, from when I was little.” 

“No posters though,” Kimi quirks an eyebrow at him as he raises himself on his elbows and fixes his gaze on Sebastian. 

There’s something achingly familiar about the moment–about Kimi’s gentleness, his relaxed posture–that eases the tension he’d been holding onto for the past few weeks. He’s used to moments like these, treasures the way they make his chest clench. It hurts, but it’s familiar. He’s not pretending. He has everything he wants and it will end, but it is enough for now.

“Why would I need posters when I get the real deal?” Seb asks as knocks his knee against Kimi’s shoes, “There’s a bathroom at the end of this hallway, you can take a shower there. You should nap for awhile, I’ll go downstairs and see if I can help out.” 

Kimi shrugs and nods, “Do you think they bought it?”

Seb tightens his hand around the doorknob and doesn’t look back at Kimi, “Yeah, they think I’ve been in love with you for forever. ” 

Sebastian closes the door on Kimi’s silence. 

 

Heike smiles when she sees Seb in the kitchen, “Have you come to help me?”

Seb wraps an arm around his mum and peers into the utensil on the stove. It smells delicious. Helping his mother cook would be a suitable distraction from the man lying in his bed, “Sure, what should I do?”

“Why don't you make mashed potatoes?”

Sebastian laughs and kisses his mother's cheek, “I am far more competent in the kitchen than you think.”

“Yes yes, do you cook for Kimi or does he cook for you?” 

Seb thinks about all the times he and Kimi have stayed over at each other’s house and his answer isn't even a lie, “We cook together, but he's the better cook.”

Heike laughs and turns to look at him, her voice softens as she says, “I'm really glad you have him in your life. You're both very good for each other. And it's so obvious how in love both of you are. I'm only surprised you didn't get together sooner. He's a lovely man, Seb.”

Sebastian nods silently. His mother is not wrong, but she's not completely right either. Kimi is good for him and he's a lovely man, but he's not in love with Seb. Sebastian carefully counts out the potatoes, he retreated to the kitchen to get away from Kimi, but he clearly can’t escape him. His mother brushes her hand against his elbow and Sebastian blinks.

“Baby, are you okay?” Heike asks, frowning at him in concern. Sebastian shakes his head and laughs nervously. 

“Just thinking about Kimi.”

“Go be with your boyfriend. He probably wants to spend time with you. And be safe okay!” Heike says with a smirk. 

“Wait, Mama, we need to interrogate him first,” quips Melanie as she hooks her hand through Seb’s and quickly kisses him on the cheek. 

Heike laughs and flicks a little water in their direction, “Play nice with your brother.”

Stefanie sticks her head into the kitchen and smirks, “Mama, we’re angels. We’re just curious about our potential brother-in-law. And Seb will be more than happy to tell us about him, won’t you, Seb?”

Sebastian frowns and rolls his eyes, “When have I ever said no to you two? ”

Stefanie laughs and ruffles his hair, “That’s the spirit, baby brother. Let’s go to the backyard.”

**Author's Note:**

> \- hello, i love comments, critique and kudos.  
> \- sorry for any grammar errors.  
> \- you can find me on [tumblr.](https://kayhavertz.tumblr.com)  
> \- thank you for reading.


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